shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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