it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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