FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
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So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
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Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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