I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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