I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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