WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
