literally had 100 drinks last night.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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