Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
