This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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