I like my sex mixed with concussions.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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