somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
