Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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