did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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