Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Pooping to opera.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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