I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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