I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
