dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
