You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
