Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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