am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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