You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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