Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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