I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
