i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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