By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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