really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
