i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
