Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
