Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
