he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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