how can u be prego again
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
