I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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