i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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