It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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