omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?