You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he fucked my hip out of place.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.