Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.