i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
