im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.