If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
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dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
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listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER