I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.