Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.