wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
