Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Randomize