I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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