I can tuck mytits in my pants
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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