I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
