everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
