Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
