So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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