What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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