Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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