Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
