Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
