I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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