My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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