Where is the hickey?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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