I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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