Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
