I only kidnapped one of them. chill
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
