I look better un-naked...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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