the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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