after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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