if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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