I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
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i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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