I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My life is pants optional.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
