if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
the raccoons are back...
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