My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
