I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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