How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
ttyl tear gas
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
