Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
