Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
