i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
